Home... not alone

How lovely it feels to see our Kolkata house from this angle! It's an overwhelming feeling to see the house we grew up in, The house that was built by Babu and Ma. The house that was their dream come true. The house I left after marriage and Nellie entered after hers. Anecdotes that i share with Biryani took place here in that room... That terrace, that balcony. 

Babu's flower garden on the terrace, the swing standing tall in the midst of the tiny pots and plants. That's where I sat to gaze at the sky and watch clouds, sometimes a butterfly that sat on a flower would be a pleasing distraction. Memories of bhai and I getting wet in the rain on the roof while Ma slept in the afternoon. Bursting crackers during Diwali with my favourite Dada and playing Holi with Bhai and Ashim Mama. 

The days of the Gopal Dada festival in the house when their would be Bhajan, kirtan and we kids running up and down whole day. Choto Mama, Sona Mashi, Boro mashi,mesho and paltan would be here and so many people throughout the week. Cousins sleeping together in the balcony during those cold December nights... Sky gazing inside the moshari(mosquito net) when power cuts were normal. Aah! I am inundated with memories and I can keep writing pages on this building which we call Our Home. 

The topmost balcony on the left is now adorned by Nellie and her plants. Glad to see how she has beautifully transformed the flat into a cozy, warm nest for bhai and her ❤️  The home where my parents reside. The home where lives our Gopal Dada. The home where Biryani went after her birth. The home filled with memories both happy and sad. The home that I love. 

 Home... I may be far from you but never far enough to not feel you. 

Why is Mother's Day so special?

The conversation between my six year old and me led to this post. In her sweet, simple way little Biryani expressed the real fact of what makes this day so special for us mothers.

Ma: Achha Biryani tell me what is so special about Mother's Day?

Biryani: Because it gave her (the mother) the child. 

Ma: So what?

Biryani: Because that's what made her ( the mother) the happiest person on Earth naa! 

Indeed, holding you in my shaky arms for the first time, touching you to see if you are for real were moments beyond words or adjectives could describe. Since then life has been tough... There have been times when I lost my cool, I screamt,i cried because motherhood doesn't come with prior experience and certification; it's to be felt and gradually experienced. I have had my moments of complete break down but it was you who brought back the power and strength in me.

 I know how much I wanted to be a mother in spite of those miscarriages that tormented both my body and soul. You didn't come into my life easily but you made every moment worth since your birth. 

I know I am not perfect mother and I don't strive to be one.I am a mother who is more humane and normal. I don't want to show you that life is perfect or your Ma is perfect. Through my imperfections I want you to learn the real facts of life, of dealing with your demons and crisis. You have given me the most happiest moments of my life Biryani... Thank you for choosing me as your mother ❤️ 

#happymothersday #mother #motherdaughter 

It is time to Heal

A moment ago I was almost in tears because of the heel pain that's bothering me for a while now. The miniscule task of dropping Biryani to the bus stop seems impossible due to the pain.  As we were walking down the road to drop Biryani she asked if we can go for a mother daughter walk in the evening. I replied with a no because I can barely walk. The helplessness of a mother of not being physically able to do the minimum for the child is indeed agonizing. 

The excruciating pain is intolerable. As i recline on my bed, in pain and agony after dropping the little one to school, i kind of break down.It's the helplessness that takes a toll more than the pain. Just then I look up the ceiling and find these magical hues on the ceiling. The little bit of light rays that could make way through the curtain has created a miraculous mix of colours to give a new meaning to the ceiling. The room looks enthralling by this vibrant sport of light and darkness. 

For me it is an experience of watching Aurora borealis in my room on a scorching April noon.  The picture clicked doesn't do justice to the beauty I experienced. 

The message i perceived from the phenomenon is, no matter how dark it is... Light will make it's way. It was a kind of note sent by the universe. Yes,i know It's science, but isn't that's the magic of science! It's metaphorically amazing at times. Teaching us life lessons in the simplest way. 

So! My dear Heel... It's time to Heal 😁

#motivation #parenting #motherhood #lifelessons #Arthritis #pain #light #positivevibes  #Momlife #momblogger #parenthood #parent #biryani 

Memoirs of a Mother and Child caught in the midst of a pandemic - July 2020

Memoirs of the initial lockdown days - July 2020

Tonight as we went to sleep Biryani and I were suddenly overwhelmed by the current scenario. It was so much that we both ended up crying profusely. She was missing her dyon...my mother. Her dadai and mama. She missed being at her home in Kolkata. She missed eating her grandma's  cooked food, Playing with the two cuties Dhishum and Thalaiva. The little one whimpered and asked God why he was doing such a wrong thing to children. She went on wailing and asking, "When are we going to go to school or play in the park. We can't even step out of home." There was an angst in the way she tried expressing her feelings. She felt helpless and hopeless at the same time. This was for the first time that I saw her crying so much during the Pandemic. 

Guess this is just the beginning for them... the kids are losing it. They are losing patience, they are losing hope. Biryani said that she is taking care of the environment and doing eco friendly things then why is it that God is not listening to her prayers. She feared the fact that her father has to step out to get food and stuff because of which he might get affected by the virus. She missed the days when she and her father would go to school and office happily everyday. She would go down to play with friends. 

This year she won't be able to celebrate her birthday is something which I think triggered this incident. The little one must be feeling something within which she couldn't share with us all these days. But with her birthday approaching it's too much for her to handle and therefore the emotional explosion.

I didn't scold her or stop her from crying because I felt that crying would help her lighten herself. All that hidden anger and frustration over the months needed to be vented out. Her father reproached me for not stopping her; I explained him that the child needs to speak... To express her innermost fears and grief. That is the only way out during this period when life seems to go topsy turvy for all and sundry. 

Motherhood is something I am passionate about and have been giving my best... Not because this is the only thing I have of my own... Also because I want my child to be brave, be intelligent and empathetic and most importantly a good human being. She should learn that there is no harm in being emotional and compassionate. No harm in crying and letting out the distress. That makes us human. There is no strength in being  insensitive, mechanical and cold. 

As I lie down alone in this room now all I pray is... May your prayers be heard and the human race gets back to normal before it's too late. I love you.

Photo courtesy: Google

Happy father's day or is it something more than that this year?

This year Father's Day is not what it used to be. There are fathers who are no more to celebrate this day with their kids. There are also fathers who are childless today and all they can do is grieve. The virus has changed the world forever.

I can count more than twenty such families whom I know personally where there have been deaths... where fathers lost their children and vice versa.
It's not easy... it's not easy to live with such a loss. There's nothing which can calm these souls today when they would be witnessing the world celebrate Father's Day. They would feel a bit more cornered and lonely today. It would not be difficult to find a father hiding in some corner and crying silently... because he cannot share his grief with anyone.

There are children who are missing their creator on this day reminiscing days when they were together. Happiness, joy, laughter seems to have left them filling their lives with a void... a void unexplained. A void so deep that no treasure in this world can fill that.

I personally know bereaved fathers who are not able to get into terms today. It's every day that they miss their little one but this day makes them a bit more vulnerable. It's hard and it's inconsolable. No words of wisdom can stop these fathers from missing their child a bit more today.


There are infants who lost their fathers forever and they will never get to know him. For the children their father will be someone on that frame in the wall of their house.
The kids of such men are always in fear... the fear of their father coming in contact with the virus and it's after effects. The fear of losing their Hero to the virus. It's a trauma they are facing on a daily basis.

This Father's Day is not like the other years... it's different in many aspects. Let us be beside such parents or such kids today. Let them know you care. A simple message or call can help them communicate... something that's essential yet we try to avoid. (Thanks to the world and it's ways )

Let this Father's Day be memorable in a way where you could make some father feel better or a fatherless child relive some moments of bygone days.


What about fathers who are frontline workers? They leave behind their family every day to step out in these testing times. Look around and you can see those doctors, nurses, soldiers, policemen, the cleaners, the essential goods carrier,the chemist,the phlebotomist who conducts the RTPCR test knowing the threat it has. All these people are nothing but angels for the common man. We are because of them.

Let us draw inspiration from these fighters and be the Ubuntu. Together we are. Humanity is all about being there for each other and helping in the development of the society.  Let this Father's Day be special in a way where we teach our children to value relationships, to spread love and care and be compassionate. Help them  learn to be there for someone.

This Father's Day is not only about being Happy... it's also about being Ubuntu.

#fathersday #happy #family #ubuntu #humanity #bereavedfather #orphan #childless #fatherless #parenting #momblog #iamwriting #momblogger #happyfathersday #counsel #compassionate #blog #writer #writeup