Memoirs of the initial lockdown days - July 2020
Tonight as we went to sleep Biryani and I were suddenly overwhelmed by the current scenario. It was so much that we both ended up crying profusely. She was missing her dyon...my mother. Her dadai and mama. She missed being at her home in Kolkata. She missed eating her grandma's cooked food, Playing with the two cuties Dhishum and Thalaiva. The little one whimpered and asked God why he was doing such a wrong thing to children. She went on wailing and asking, "When are we going to go to school or play in the park. We can't even step out of home." There was an angst in the way she tried expressing her feelings. She felt helpless and hopeless at the same time. This was for the first time that I saw her crying so much during the Pandemic.
Guess this is just the beginning for them... the kids are losing it. They are losing patience, they are losing hope. Biryani said that she is taking care of the environment and doing eco friendly things then why is it that God is not listening to her prayers. She feared the fact that her father has to step out to get food and stuff because of which he might get affected by the virus. She missed the days when she and her father would go to school and office happily everyday. She would go down to play with friends.
This year she won't be able to celebrate her birthday is something which I think triggered this incident. The little one must be feeling something within which she couldn't share with us all these days. But with her birthday approaching it's too much for her to handle and therefore the emotional explosion.
I didn't scold her or stop her from crying because I felt that crying would help her lighten herself. All that hidden anger and frustration over the months needed to be vented out. Her father reproached me for not stopping her; I explained him that the child needs to speak... To express her innermost fears and grief. That is the only way out during this period when life seems to go topsy turvy for all and sundry.
Motherhood is something I am passionate about and have been giving my best... Not because this is the only thing I have of my own... Also because I want my child to be brave, be intelligent and empathetic and most importantly a good human being. She should learn that there is no harm in being emotional and compassionate. No harm in crying and letting out the distress. That makes us human. There is no strength in being insensitive, mechanical and cold.
As I lie down alone in this room now all I pray is... May your prayers be heard and the human race gets back to normal before it's too late. I love you.
Photo courtesy: Google
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